I know, I know. When we got engaged, I swore that I wouldn’t turn into an obsessed bride. Let’s be real, people who talk about one thing and one thing only are boring. But people who are planning a wedding who talk only about planning their wedding? They’re the worst.
I don’t plan on talking about our wedding a lot, but I’ll be honest, I don’t really know where to start. I have zero wedding fantasies. I never dreamed of getting married. In fact, I realize now that I have probably never even thought about my wedding day before now. Truth is, Kevin has more expectations for our wedding than I do. I’m a blank matrimonial slate.
This is a scene from my favourite wedding
When it comes to decision making, I have my own ideas, but I like to factor in the experience and advice of others. I usually ask around before making a choice, but I can’t say I always follow the guidance I receive. I like having conversations around the decisions to be made and then I draw my own conclusions. I suspect it will be no different with the what seems like a million decisions that we’ll be making over the coming months.
My wedding crowdsourcing began shortly after we announced our engagement. I asked nearly everyone who congratulated us two questions:
- What did you love about your wedding?
- What would you do differently?
I’m going to move away from that for one short paragraph to share one of the most delightful discoveries I made after we got engaged: weddings make people really happy. Like, really happy. Women get all gushy, men need to tell you all about how they proposed. It’s sweet, really. And something I never expected.
So, as I started to ask around, one piece of advice seemed to be more common than any other. That advice was to start with a date.
That seemed reasonable. So, I asked around.
— Carly-Ann Rigby (@carlyrigby) June 20, 2016
Here were some of the responses:
@carlyrigby Picked a weeknight before a stat holiday. So a Wednesday before July 1st. Was easy to get anything booked/last minute.
— Mona Boucher (@Mona_Boucher) June 21, 2016
@carlyrigby looked at a calendar and found a date after Spring semester finals but before Summer semester started.
— Kailie Crosby ☕️ (@KailieACrosby) June 20, 2016
@carlyrigby It was the lowest tide of the year midday (our intention was a beach wedding in Parksville but that didn’t end up happening)
— Jen Arbo (@jenarbo) June 21, 2016
@carlyrigby the last Saturday in May. my brides brother played in the CFL and had to go to training camp for June. we wanted a June wedding
— Ken Armstrong (@CoachKen41) June 21, 2016
@carlyrigby I’m not married but my sis picked an offseason (fall) date that still had open Saturday date at her venue and wasn’t December
— Chelsea Watt (@chelsetron) June 20, 2016
@carlyrigby fall. Cheaper. Math. 10+4=14
— A is for Humble (@TheHumbleA) June 20, 2016
@carlyrigby it was exactly one year after we started dating. And my dad/step mom were going to be here.
— Meghann (@MeghannMyers07) June 20, 2016
@carlyrigby we decided how long we wanted to plan vs. what season we wanted and then just picked mid month.
— BdblE (@MsYouDoYou) June 23, 2016
Before we could really get down to the business of picking our own date, we had one major thing to resolve: where (geographically) would we wed? At first, we talked about a destination wedding, but we soon realized that there was no realistic destination – we’re not exactly beach people and it’s unlikely that anyone other than one aunt would appreciate my suggestion of Chicago. (Her response when I joked about it was, with a laugh, “I’ve never been there so I fully support that decision!”) We thought about getting married near where Kevin is from and, to be truthful, while he is somewhat indifferent to it, I haven’t entirely ruled that out yet. Without getting too far ahead of ourselves, when we consider our guest list, he has many more people on his side than I have on mine. I suspect I’ll be quite stingy with my invitation list because if I’ve learned one thing about myself since we got engaged, it’s that I feel a certain degree of intimacy is required if you are going to witness me getting married. But, I’m sure I’ll talk about that a little later on.
As it stands, we are loosely committed to getting married in BC. I’d love to do a seriously local theme, but, again, all tentative at the moment.
If it was up to me, I’d plan a wedding on a Thursday in the middle of a winter month, but Kevin thinks that a midweek wedding is weird and he vetoed the two months I’d originally suggested: my favourites, February and November.
One big consideration for both of us: out of town guests. Invitations will be sent far and wide to friends and family all over Canada and the US. Since many of those guests are important to one or both of us, I feel like we need to consider travel planning in our date selection. A long weekend could be a viable option. Fortunately, the west coast is a nice destination at almost any time of year so at least we’re not sticking travelers with an unappealing destination.
I’ve been well-versed in the “just do what feels right for us” advice (that’s probably the second most common piece I’ve received) and I’m fully comfortable with the idea that we can’t/won’t please everyone.
We leaned towards fall because the heat of a summer wedding is very unappealing. Autumn in BC is really beautiful and the weather is usually sunny and warm long into October. Fall colours are nice and Thanksgiving (in Canada – we don’t actually call it Canadian Thanksgiving ;)) is the second Monday of the month. A date over that long weekend lends itself nicely to a theme of gratitude and y’all already know that’s a big thing for me. If we refer back to Amy‘s Twitter recommendation of using math, we could reasonably jump on 10 + 7 = 17, a Saturday (so that it isn’t weird for my groom.)
So, that’s the way we’re leaning: October 7th, 2017. Not written in stone, but it’s the date we’re working with for now.
Still, I want to hear your thoughts!
When did you get married? How did you pick the date? As a groom, bride, attendant or guest, what are some great wedding dates you’ve been a part of it? Do you have any examples of bad ones??
And, if you’re interested, when I turned to modern day wedding authourity, The Knot, here’s what they had to say.