So, I feel like I told a bit of a mistruth yesterday. I said,
Regardless of the circumstances, I usually find myself feeling inspired and rejuvenated after they’re done. I know how weird that may sound, but it’s true. Whether it’s a checkup or a pap test or a surgery, I always feel like the more I know about my body, the better off I am.
So, that is largely true, BUT I’ve actually had some trauma lately which I haven’t quite copped to.
For the most part, I take any medical treatments or procedures in stride. I don’t get anxiety about them ahead of time and I am not too fussed about having to have something done. I don’t overreact or even sweat it at all. I show up at my allotted time and allow access to whatever body part is needed.
There’s a part of my melanoma story that I didn’t tell online and only shared with a couple of people: I got really woozy during both of the procedures I had earlier this year. By woozy, I mean that I started to feel a cold sweat and nearly passed out. It wasn’t a big deal – we paused the surgeries and the doctor was surprisingly good at calming me and getting us all back on track.
I’ve never had that reaction to ANYTHING before. Mostly I related it to the fact that because it is a teaching office and the student performed both surgeries, there was a lot more talking about what was going on. I’m a doer, not a talker and it turns out that trait rings true to my medical care as well.
This morning, I had my third needle poke in ten days. I’d gone for blood work on the 16th, had my flu shot two days ago and then had to go for different blood work this morning. I wasn’t scared and I wouldn’t even say I was bothered, but I did have a tiny, millisecond flash of anxiety about the pain of the needle and, shortly after that, I recognized that I’d had it about all three of these recent instances. It isn’t what I’m used to and that feels strange. I’m hoping that it’s something that’ll just go away with time. I like being nonchalant about my medical care. I like trusting in my caregivers and allowing them to do their thing without any feelings of reservation. I don’t really know what to make of it and I think I need to spend some time on what it means to me.
Do you have or have you ever felt anxiety around medical procedures or care? What did/do you do to manage it?